Bitch

Cat collar

 Photo credit: @Doug88888

I could never be your cat.

I once thought that I could be one. That I could replace those Persians that you lost when you were young. Or even those Siameses that you prefer now. But I realize that I can’t. I’m not a cat.

I can’t purr like your cats used to do. Nor can I claw you off with my perfectly filed sharpies. Heck, I don’t even want to do that to you. But a part of me longs to stretch at your lap and cuddle in your arms. A part of me longs to be stroked with your fingers and to be called yours.

A part of me longs for your attention.

And as much as I would try and wear felted cat ears, I know that I’m no match with the real deal. I know that I’m just fooling myself- imitating something impossible for me to grasp; cosplaying someone impossible for me to become.

I could never be she- you know, your cat- who sleeps at the corner of your room. That side where you adorn her with all kinds of toys and plushies. You know that I get awful excited when I’m in your room. And that I can never be your cat who nonchalantly goes to her little pedestal as you croon while watching her lick her shiny fur.

You know that I’m the type who runs straight to your bed and claims half of it as mine. And for that reason, you ousted me out of your apartment.

I’m not holding a grudge though. I know my place. I know that your cat is more important than I am. You feed her Friskies while I’m content with your leftovers. I also know that I’m not the trophy pet that you brag to your colleagues. That I’m nothing more than an insurance- a security. A default when sometimes your cat is cranky and is peeing at your underwear.

I’m not holding these things against you, boss. But please do remember that I was the one who waited for you during those off hours when you beer ponged. I was the one who covered up for all your nasty stuff and I even came to your defense when the neighbors told you how much of a jerk you were.

All I’m asking in return is not to compare me with your cat.

Not because we are genetically different- heck, you should know that by now- but because we are two distinct entities sharing your space of a heart. Though I know that in that aspect I’m your literal underdog, it hurts when you lash at me asking, “Why can’t you be like her?”

I can’t be like her because I am not her.

And I need to reiterate this for so many times because the question pops out even without you asking.

Not only for your sake but for mine as well.

Komplikado Magmahal si Magdalena

Kaluluwa-Katawan.

Ito ang turo sa akin:

Dalawang dimensyong mag-asawa;

Pag nakuha na ang isa,

Ay susunod na rin daw ang pangalawa.

 

Katawan. Kaluluwa.

Ito ako.

Sa bawat pagbuka ng aking mga hita,

Nagtatago ang aking diwa

Sa isang bukod at kakaibang langit.

 

Doon, ako’y iisa.

Malayo sa halik ng katawang umaangkin sa akin.

Malaya sa pag-ibig ng kaluluwang ipinipilit ang sarili sa akin.

 

Katawan-Kaluluwa.

Ito ang nakikita ko sa iyong mga mata

Sa tuwing sinasabog mo ang iyong tamod

Sa aking laman.

 

Ako ay sa iyo, kaya mahal mo ako.

Ako ay sa iyo, kaya kinikilala mo ako.

 

Kaluluwa. Katawan.

Ang pinapaalala ng aking isip

Sa pagpasok ko

sa isa nanamang madilim na idlip.

 

Kalahati lamang ang nasa iyo.

Kalahati lamang ang kilala mo.